


Punish

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Cutting, D/s relationship, Eating Disorder, M/M, self punishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 14:10:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1901943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Blaine and Kurt were in a DS relationship. Following canon, Kurt neglects Blaine and Blaine cheats on Kurt. Since Kurt starts ignoring Blaine, B assumes he has to punish himself enough so Kurt will start talking to him again. Since Kurt is ignoring him, he doesn’t notice, and B’s self punishments get worse and worse. Maybe writing lines then not eating and eventually cutting. Up to you for everything else really :)

He was lost.

Blaine loved Kurt because he made everything make sense. He felt like he really had a reason for being, and that reason was to be this other part of Kurt. With Kurt, he knew exactly what he needed to do and he had the satisfaction of knowing that he was doing everything right.

But lately, he had done everything wrong.

When Kurt left, he had no stability. He was left floating and desperately wanted to be back on earth. Eli was supposed to be the quick fix but a bandaid can’t fix internal bleeding.

Lying to Kurt wasn’t an option. Blaine felt like he was being torn apart as tears started running down Kurt’s face, at the sheer  _disappointment_ in his eyes.

It crushed him.

Then Kurt left and refused to talk to him. He desperately tried to make it up to him, sending him gifts and flowers, but they were always returned. The realization that Kurt didn’t want him, didn’t  _need_  him was staggering.

Punishment was something they had experimented with and Blaine adored it. He loved the idea that Kurt was making him better, that Kurt was helping him. He loved being so vulnerable and trusting Kurt.

That was what he needed to do to make this right. If Kurt knew how far he was willing to go to punish himself for being bad, he would forgive him.

It started off with writing lines and it was soothing. Every moment of free time he had, he wrote it over and over until his hand cramped and then he kept going. Days passed and he had notebooks full of the same thing.

_I was bad. I deserved to be punished. If I am punished, I will earn his love._

But Kurt never called.

Panic overwhelmed him and he just knew he had to go above and beyond. If Kurt didn’t see the difference, he just had to up the punishment.

First, he stopped eating as much. The rigidity of having an eating schedule helped. The pangs of hunger reminded him of what he was working for. When the eating didn’t help, he pulled out his razor and pressed it against his wrist again and again. Every time his stomach cramped or the clean sting of the razor spread through his arm, he remembered.

He deserved this. This was how he got better.

He became obsessed. His hand almost always ached from writing, he felt dizzy from not eating, his arms stung badly. 

Then, he made a mistake. Sam had asked for his notes from calculus and he gave him the wrong notebook. As soon as Sam opened the notebook, it was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him.

“What is this?” He breathed, flipping through the pages before turning wide eyes to Blaine.

“I…” he was lost for words, lump rising in his throat.

“Notebook number eleven!” His frown deepened when he read the first page. “Blaine, dude…what’s going on?”

Tears gathered in Blaine’s eyes and he stared down at his feet. Sam gently took his elbow and steered him into the nearest empty classroom.

“Kurt and I had a nontraditional relationship…” he wrung his hands. “You’ve heard about the D/s lifestyle right? Dominant and submissive?”

“Sure,” Sam’s eyes widened slightly but he didn’t say a single judgmental comment.

“I just…I’m the sub,” Blaine wrung his hands, heart pounding. “And I messed up really bad. I was supposed to be good but I wasn’t…so now I’m trying to make myself good. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You are good, you’re a good guy,” Sam’s eyes flicked down his body, before focusing on his sleeves that were slightly rolled up. He took his sleeve and pulled it up to see the cuts. “You’ve lost way too much weight and now you’re hurting yourself?”

“I’m not good enough,” Blaine reached up to wipe his tears. “I’m just punishing myself to make myself better. I messed up and…I have to be good because that is the only way I can make this right.”

“Have you talked to Kurt yet?” Sam asked.

“No,” Blaine whispered, shaking his head. “I haven’t earned…”

“Call him,” Sam gently took hold of both of his arms. “You’re my friend and I love you like a brother. I don’t care that you and Kurt have a bit of a different relationship, it worked for you. I do care that you’re killing yourself. Kurt will care, but he won’t know unless you tell him.”

“What if he doesn’t forgive me,” Blaine breathed, feeling himself trembling.

“He will,” Sam smiled. “Because I know he loves you.”

Blaine felt a little lighter after the conversation. Just because he was submissive didn’t mean he was meek and weak. He could do this. He just had to trust Kurt.

“Hello Sir,” he said softly as soon as Kurt picked up the phone.”

“Blaine,” Kurt sounded exasperated. “This isn’t…”

“I need to tell you something Sir,” Blaine blurted, trying to ignore the discomfort of interrupting Kurt.

“Alright…” Kurt took in a deep breath. “Tell me pet.”

Blaine found himself smiling. This could get better, this could be okay. 


	2. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Would you consider doing a sequel to Punish?

As soon as Kurt’s face came into focus Blaine felt himself sag a little in relief and a wide smile spread across his face. “Hello sir.”

“How are you?” Kurt’s eyes were wide and worried as he stared at him and Blaine shrunk down, unused to Kurt looking so out of control. “You look so thin and sick and…please Blaine, are you okay?”

His head swam and he just blinked at him. Was he okay? He felt like the floor had been ripped from under him. He felt like he was free falling. He felt like he had no safety net and was getting closer and closer to the ground. He felt like any moment he was going to crash against sharp rocks. 

“I feel lost,” he whispered. 

A flurry of emotions crossed over Kurt’s face and his hand fluttered around his mouth for a moment before he pressed it to his mouth. Blaine held his breath as Kurt warred with his thoughts, keeping perfectly still until Kurt finally sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have…I didn’t handle this properly.”

“No I’m sorry!” Blaine gasped. “I should have handled it better. I should have been stronger. I don’t blame you for not wanting a weak sub.”

“Sweetheart no,” Kurt shook his head sadly and Blaine’s heart shattered. “I just left you and didn’t help you transition. I knew you were deep in it and just left you without an anchor. That was wrong of me and I’m sorry.”

Blaine smiled softly and wrapped his arms tightly around himself. Just being with Kurt, even though they weren’t in person, was so calming. He felt noticed, he finally felt cared for. Finally, Kurt sighed and his back went ramrod straight.

“I’ve missed you too pet,” his voice dropped into his familiar dominant tone and Blaine shivered. 

“I know I shouldn’t…beg for you to take me back. I swear I’ll be so much better,” his voice cracked and Kurt’s eyes softened. “Please sir.”

“Here’s a suggestion,” Kurt held his hands up. “And if you don’t want to do this we don’t have to. We could still be what we need for each other. I can be your Dom and you can be my sub, but this is not a romantic relationship. It will not be sexual and we are not boyfriends. We are just…helping each other.”

“I’d like that very much,” a wide smile spread across Blaine’s face. 

Through the next few months Blaine felt like he was finally under control. He was able to let go and just let things happen. With his Dom’s help, he could finally feel like breathing. 

The Skype or phone sessions happened every night and afterwards Blaine always felt boneless. Like he promised, there wasn’t any sexual implications. Kurt picked out his clothes and paid special attention to his bow ties, something Blaine had always considered to be like a collar.

On the night of Mr. Shuester’s failed wedding, everything changed. Kurt’s eyes had gone from being dominant to being  _possessive._ When they danced, Kurt held him tightly and Blaine felt himself fitting perfectly into him again. After months of being separated, he was almost overwhelmed from just the slightest touch of his hand. His eyes flashed and Blaine froze as he pressed a hotel key card into Blaine’s palm.

“Okay pet,” he said slowly and Blaine felt his head lower. “You need to make a choice. We can continue dancing and keep our relationship as it has been, or we can go up into this room. It’s your choice, regardless of what you decide I’m not going to leave you.”

“The room,” Blaine breathed. “I want the room Sir.”

Kurt’s smile widened and they slipped out the side door. As soon as the elevator doors closed, Kurt swooped in and kissed him deeply. Blaine whimpered softly and surrendered to the kiss. This was what he was missing, what he needed so badly. He just wanted to  _belong_ to Kurt.

They stumbled into the room and Kurt’s dark eyes locked on his. “Get on your knees.”

His knees cracked on the floor and everything fell into place. 


End file.
